Loss

I wanna talk about loss.....

Everyone on the planet loses something in life, a partner, a parent, siblings, children, limbs, jewelry, love, cars. And countless other things that are valuable to them as individuals.

Now to a person looking in on another persons life it may see circumstantial, even if to the person effected is devastated by the loss.

For example, let's say Eddie has lost his father. Eddie and his father were close and talked daily. When his father died he was left with an empty spot in not only his heart, but a huge part of his daily life. He sometimes gets angry at God for taking him from him. Didn't God know that he needed him in his life and it wasn't the right time to take him. Anyway Eddie is devastated.

Now Anne has also lost a father, her father left for arizona and never came back. Now while Anne is devastated by the loss of her parent, leaving her with an empty hole that is gone. She gets angry because he chose to leave. To walk away from her and now she misses out on all the things that a dad does.

Now let's say that Eddie lives next to Anne. Eddie thinks Anne is overreacting to her loss, that a parent dying is more hurtful because of his feelings of emptiness.

And Anne feels like hers is worse because her father chose to leave. At least Eddie's is father was taken and there was no choice.

Now I am no expert.. But I think that both Eddie and Anne are dealing with an intense loss. Different but still difficult.

People all over the world lose things that are important to them. There is no doubt someone on your block that is hurting. Someone driving the same route to work as you that try's to hold back the tears that the Taylor swift song on the radio seems to bring to her eyes every time that it plays.

My point is No matter how bad your suffering there are other people that are too. Different reasons sure. But still reasons. And still bad suffering.

My husband has made the choice to end our marriage. I feel like I didn't see it coming. But on one hand I understand that we will be better people apart, and on the other it hurts it hurts that he is walking away, it hurts that my love wasn't enough, it hurts that our family will never be a complete household.

There have been time when I asked my Heavenly Father "why". I almost never get an answer. it isn't until later that I understand.

For instance:
I was looking for a job. I got a few interviews, but no body was really hireing, not a person with the little experience that I had. After 3 weeks of searching and searching. I about gave up. But I didn't stop. Stopping wasn't and option. I had two little boys to think of.

I prayed with every resume I sent out. Lord please help me get THIS job. And his answer was no obviously because I didn't get interviews or call backs. There was a point I just got angry, why would my Hevenly father just ignore me? Does he like to see me stress and worry? Is my pain his idea of fun?

The answer is NO of course not. He was waiting for me to walk into Silva insurance and hand my resume to the reseptonist with a smile on my face. To walk into a place that had advancement opportunitys that would take my life to a different place then getting hired at the local lawyer office or the local office assistant. Where there isn't much room for advancement.

So a loss of faith is something I was dealing with. A loss of a marriage, a loss of every piece of jewelry my husband gave me. Which may seem stupid to everybody else. But to me. It is a sign of how much I was loved by him.

I don't know if he feels loss, he doesn't show any emotion, however everyone deals with grief differently. So he is dealing with his... I work on mine.

At some point in my life I am going to wake up and I won't hurt anymore. This is going to happen slowly so I might not even notice. But one day I am going to wake up and that Taylor Swift song will no longer make me cry.

Someday I will maybe even love again. Knowing me I will. But until them I will just hold onto the fact that

God does answer prayers
He is listening
He loves me more then I will ever know
He has my back
And He has a plan for me.
And my job is to do what is right.
And he will shower me with gifts that I need to continue my new life with my new circumstances.

I say these things in the name of Jesus Christ amen.