Im sorry

Im sorry

Sometimes I wonder, why?
Why is all of this happening? What did I do to deserve for my world to fall apart? Why is it that I pray every day to just get though one day without tears running my mascara all down my face and still end up with it all over the place?

I often wonder why it is? Why must it be this way? How long will this last? Why do I always go to be alone? Why couldn't I make him happy?

When I was younger I could get everything I wanted. All I had to do was bat my eyes. Where did that go I guess left with my confidence. With my love for myself. With my amazing body. With my great hair.

Now I am a mom, now I'm not complaining. I love my boys with all of my heart soul. I would die for them. In fact there isn't a damn thing I wouldn't do.

However I am now a mom, I am not the attractive woman that could walk into a room and as my best friend says "own it". I am someone who wakes up picks up the toys off the floor. Then I wake up my little boys change diapers, get them
Dressed feed them breakfast and after all that. I get dressed for work. I don't usually have time to put on makeup, so I just don't.

This is my daily life. I have people in my life that seem to think that I still act like I am "all that" I still use men for anything I might want. But that isn't who I want to be. That girl is dead. She just doesn't exist.

I have loved, I have losted, I have been picked up, I have been thrown down.

I am sorry I can't be a woman that the man I married likes. I love my babies and I wish I could keep our family together.