Kayaking awesomeness

So today is memorial day weekend. Mandie and I are on our way to wittier to go kayaking for fun. You would think I would be petrified but... Hawaii somehow made my fear of water lessen. Which is good, this is going to be fun!!!

As for the Jason/divorce issues... He came back from Bethel yesterday, he was distant. But I guess it bothers me less.

I guess things get a little better once you just accept the fact that there isn't turning back from this situation. I asked him over for dinner which he accepted. I told him Justin would love to see him.

As for the rest of the evening, the kids and I watched a movie, an then packed thee things for the night at my moms.

When I got home about 11, I went and talked about the truck. And then I went to bed by myself. This time I just went to sleep. No urge to talk to him, or get wrapped in his arms. Which doesn't make a lot of sense I mean just last week I cried myself to sleep wanting him.

I guess the week with him plain flat not available was good for my heart, gave me some healing time. I guess you can say I adjusted to him not being around. And now I don't NEED him around. Well that maybe a more confident need that it really is. But still the sting of him not needing or missing me has lessened. When I woke up this morning the sheet on the sliding glass door had been pulled down. That stung a little.

So now Mandie and I are going kayaking and we are going to have a blast out on Prince William Sound.

While he works on his truck I am not sitting wondering if he is thinking of me. Because I know the answer. He's not. He has put the issues of me, our family, and our life together in a box and on a shelf in the very back of his box shelf.

I keep having to remind myself that men think about things differently then woman. They put things in boxes and don't think about more than one thing at a time. Which is why our marriage wasn't always in, or even in the front of him mind. He was just focused on everything else. Because he just wasn't happy. So why think about it.

Ok well this is just taking a nasty turn for the worse so I am taking myself out of this downer subject.