Do you realize

Do you realize that sometimes you peel out of a parking lot, and drive with a screech and your committed to driving tell you feel better or until you feel better?

And you get 5 miles to realize you don't have anywhere to go. So there you are tears pouring down your face. And you can hear your friends and family in the back of your mind saying "you can't fall a apart, you need to be strong for you boys" which just makes cry harder... Because now not only have you failed as a wife. You have let your kids down.

More then just not being good enough so the love of your life needs to leave.

That's right not wants, NEEDS.

So not "he has found someone else". He needs to be apart from you. Your that much a pain.

So now on Sunday you not only get to deal with the 3 year old that is dealing with transition issues that really are just temper fits. But you have to deal with looks, the looks that say... Really can't you control him? And did you hear she's getting divorced. Omg who does that. And doesn't she know that that is hard on her kids?

Then there are the ones that don't think I'm a horrible person. But also don't know what to say. So they don't.

Not a word.

They think to themselves I wish we could help her.

What they aren't thinking is maybe I can just take the baby, he isn't a problem and then she would have both hands to deal with the kid that is just sad because daddy isn't at home to tuck him in at night and read him his story... And let's face it.. Mom isn't a good reader. She just isn't

So what happens she leaves, packs the diaper bag she carefully packed so that the kids had books, RC car tires, every snack she could possibly think of. And walks out of the church with tears that she fights with all her strength. And it isn't until she get in the car and peels out of the parking lot that the tears fall.

That is when she realizes she has no where to go...

Why?

Because even the people close to her don't know what to say. The man that she is "seeing" doesn't know what to say or do. And she wouldn't want him to see her cry anyway.

So she pulls into a empty parking lot of some middle school and writes a blog...

Not even a good blog. Just a blog because if she wrote it on paper then it wouldn't be readable as the tears make ink run.

So now she wishes that she had a place that was hers, a place that isn't right next to the man that doesn't love her anymore. It's hard enough to watch him go though life like his happy. Happy that your gone. Happy he has the whole bed to himself. No one to steal the covers, no one to yell at about the dishes in the sink.

Because he brings his dads girlfriend over every other weekend conveniently when he has the boys so that he can work in the garage. And she can't sit still do she cleans.

So that solves the whole problems. Now he gets his garage, a house keeper And the whole bed. And she wasn't sexually attractive anyway so who needs her.

The only thing that he liked about her is that she is the one that gave him his kids. And he loves them. More. Then his own life. It's just her he wants gone.

All that makes the world better. Much better. Anyway. Now their are no more tears.

Just the empty hole where her heart use to beat.