Lets see if this is better,

Where I am:

So, where I am, I have a very blessed life, I have good things going on and some not so comfortable things lets start with the good things shall we??

I have a roof over my head, and I am pretty independent. I don't really rely on any one. I have never been on my own, lived by myself, or honestly done anything without a male "benefactor" I know that doesn't say much about me. But it's the truth.

I started dating jake, he is amazing. He makes me smile when I don't want to, he is emotionally supportive, we get along and we don't argue. Because I have changed my way of doing relationships, I try not to obsess over why he hasn't called, I don't "blow" up his phone he will call when he wants. And I don't chase him. And he keeps coming back. So he must like me. A trapped animal doesn't really do anything but try to get away. This I have learned

My children: now I never thought in would be a single mom. But here I am single and those kids depend on me to keep it together. It's a big responsibility. Mom always said if you do your best it will always be good enough. Well I am doing my best, wither its good enough I truly don't know.

My ex and I get along ok, we talk, joke occasionally, he has allows me to be the kids daycare 2 days a week when he is at work. Which is a huge blessing, however... He is dating also.... Which doesn't upset me. I want him to find the happiness he didn't have with me. Now it hurts sometimes. Knowing that I wasn't good enough seeing what he thinks is a good replacement.

She has a pretty face, she is losing some much needed weight. She wears lots of makeup... All the time. She is never seen without it. Ever! But really here is the worst part. She is identical to the girl He married 6 years ago. Me. The girl that last year wasn't good enough anymore. She is 32 and not grown up yet. She spends a lot of time at the bar, and Jason's house obviously. Which is normal for a younger girl with little responsibly Except she has lots of responsibility, 4 children, yet they sleep alone in her house while she spends the night at his or at the bar. Which is horrible. Her oldest is 14, but I don't know how she can justify leaving her baby and 2 other kids in his care all the time. I am sure he is really responsible more so then her. I have no doubt. But children (which is what he is) should not be required to pick which sibling he wants to get out of the house. In case of emergency Just Saying

She had up till yesterday became "friends" with me. In the sense that if she wanted to know what he was thinking or how he might be feeling she called me. Because I "know him really well". Well I did the time, 9 years as a matter of fact. getting to know him. She is always talking about how much they "talk" about everything. I can't help but think if they do then... Wouldn't she know better then me what he's feeling? He never talked to me. Never. He isn't a talker. I'm not saying that he doesn't now I'm saying that he didn't then. And if you indeed talk to him for "hours" why on earth wouldn't you ask him? Just a thought.

She tells all sorts of lies. And she loves talking shit. It's funny because before I started dating jake, she would go to his work and talk to his boss, all about how her new "boyfriends" ex-wife is crazy, and I do my laundry at his house "all the time".

Well here's a news flash. And I know it's not a lie because I am the "crazy" ex-wife. I hadn't done any laundry at Jason's house ever. Just Saying Now a few weeks ago I did do a load, but it was months after she was saying this stuff.

She told me that he still has pictures of me in the house. She thinks this is weird. My thought, "and the problem with that is????"

I will ALWAYS be a part of his life, I am the mother of his children.

Now I don't expect him to have pictures of me around the house. In fact I must say it surprises me.

Anyway my point is this,

I don't know why he married me, I mean I was just like crazy obsessive all over the place all that except i didn't have 4 kids with 4 different guys. No I don't condone that crap,it's called Birth Control, perhaps you've heard of it???! Oh wait
I guess not.

I was wild, spent a lot of time at the bar. Was friends with everyone, and had a lot of inappropriate relationships that a woman shouldn't have when dating anyone seriously.

Ok so these are just a few of my relationship advice, prep yourself I'm not gonna sugar coat this. Also know I have learned this from experience, and sometimes I don't like to Listen to my own advice. So it is gonna come off as hypocritical.

1: men don't usually play games, what they say is what they mean. For instants if he says this isn't a serous relationship... It means its not. Telling him you love him isn't gonna do a damn thing.

When they say I'm not ignoring you I'm just busy.... Translation it means I'm not ignoring you I'm (wait for it) JUST BUSY! Feel flattered because in his busy day he took a minute to text you to let you know he was thinking of you, (that's why he texted you) he was thinking of you but didn't have time to talk. That's him being nice. Don't text his ex wife and ask why she thinks he hasn't "talked" with you all day. Her thought is going to be..... It's Thursday, it's 1pm. He's at work. Those are the well known facts. What's the question again? Use your head.

2: on drill weekend.. Don't expect him to be over for dinner. He is going to try. But Friday, lets use some common sense ok? He gets up at 5. Goes on his hour of commute, works his 8 hours, gets off work. Changes into his uniform, goes to drill, gets off at 10ish. And I don't know just a guess, but he's tired the last thing he wants to do is come over and "meet your kids" so he is gonna call and say. I'm sorry, (which he actually means) I just can't do it.

You asked for something that was totally selfish, and when he couldn't do it. You freak out. Not only do you freak out, you leave your 4 kids alone at home. To meet him in his driveway in the rain to yell about how dare he promise to do something and not come thru. Well Sweetie, (wait for it) he didn't promise. He put off the fight of "I'm not gonna make it." Till later so he could sleep before his busy day. It's not that he didn't want to. It's that it's the busiest weekend of the month. And he tried and just like he knew would be the case he's TIRED!

On a side note. Yelling at anyone in the rain outside their house after they had a zillion hour work day. Isn't going to win you any points. And if you were dating anyone else... You would be a person who's name in his phone would be changed to ignore. And he would do exactly that. Ignore you.

3: ok, now this is gonna seem weird I know, so brace yourself for a not normal response.
When your ex comes into town, and asks to meet for coffee... Just say no. Don't call your boyfriend and explain the situation and ask if its ok. He's gonna say ok it's fine. But that's because he is truly hoping you know better. And when a week later you find out that he is having coffee with a girl the next week, don't be shocked. Be glad it's a stranger and not someone he has slept with before. Seriously are we stupid?! And going over to his house at 10 at night (remember he works at 5) he isn't even gonna get out of bed to fight with you. #1 he hasn't done anything yet. And he is just doing what you did the week before. So stop with the double standard and deal with it!!!

4: now when dealing with the ex wife, DO NOT under any Circumstances give her this kind of ammunition. Calling her after every fight. Come on. Use your head. She is the mother of the kids whos bedroom door you were just yelling outside of. Come on!!

Don't ask her if she thinks he loves you. (May I suggest you talk to him) because I wasn't sucking his cock last night, and asking if he was in love with you. It's non of my business and here's a shocker I don't care!

Don't give me details of your sexual relationship. I really don't wanna know. I don't care if he's fucking you, but I don't wanna hear about it. Just like I would stop my sister if she was telling me a story that was about how much she was getting it, what positions, and so forth.

5: try to remember he just got out of a 6 year relationship, that ended 8 months ago, and you've been dating 5 so... Do I need to do the math for you??? Really?!

He is starting all over. In a completely new game. He didn't have kids before, he was 6 years younger, and your the first "thing" he has tried. I bet you even try more then one mascara before making a decision about whether its something your gonna keep around. I know I have 4 brands of mascara in my bathroom that Ive tried and decided I don't like, or i have found a better one. And I put on makeup like 3 times a month. Unlike every damn day.

6: don't give him a hard time about a family picture that still hangs on the wall, because and I kinda feel like I am repeating myself here but; she is the MOTHER of his children! She isn't going to just be erased, and she shouldn't be. You should respect that they get along, realize that she is a good person who is attempting to be a grown up and raise their kids in a healthy non toxic environment. Where mommy my daddy don't fight constantly, don't put them in the middle, and don't fight over them. This is the purpose for the divorce in the first place. So that the fighting would stop.

7: on Thursday when you know she is the children's daycare. And that she will see him right after work to pick up his children, that one more time, they made together, if you text her at 5 and ask has he picked up the kids and she says yes. Leave it at that. Don't expect to have her volunteer that SHE dropped them off, and she is still giving report in HIS kitchen. In fact she had a cup of coffee also. Why? Because just like your fights, sex life, ways of thinking, and feelings. Are Non of her business. Her relationship with her ex husband isn't any of yours.
Also don't call her to ask if she thinks that he's ignoring you, because when you tell her that you haven't gotten a text back or a phone call and OMG he got off work like 28 minutes ago! She's gonna hand her phone directly to him. why? She doesn't want to deal with you.
And yes it's gonna look like your stalking him.
And no, she doesn't care!

8: don't do 1 and 7 in the same day; again she is just laughing at your stupidity.

Now don't call and tell her about how amazing he is with his kids, about how his youngest that has some medical complications threw up and not only was he paying attention but he gave him a bath and softly spoke to the child about how "daddy is right here, it's ok". And then he slept on the floor in his room. Your not telling me anything I don't know. I know he is a caring, loving, sweet father. Why do you think i picked him, i didnt just get pregnant by him. I picked him, married him, loved him, and made a choice to make him the father of my kids. Now that's over and he is a SINGLE father. And he does it right. He is there for his children. His children are his world. Would you even know if you child was throwing up? No why? Cuz at 11 o'clock when you left his house you went to the bar until 3:30. I know this because you told me. Again with why would you give me this type of ammunition?

She ended our "friendship" she texted me to say.. Anytime she talked to me it caused problems in her and his relationship. Well as awesome as it would be to think I have that kinda control of someone else's decisions, thought possess, and feelings. I don't, nor would I want it. Who wants that kinda power? Not me.

I am gonna sum up with this,

You say that he told you he doesn't see this as a serous relationship, that means per say #1 he means that.

He doesn't want to you to move in. Even if it would save you both money, well do you blame him. Just like me he needs to know he can do this on his own. He is proving this to himself. Not to mention he has a 3 bedroom house and you have 4 kids that equals 6. I know, to you it would be easy to throw your youngest in with your older boys and your daughter in with my two? NOT. He isn't gonna make his children change everything about their life. It has been turned upside down enough.

Also don't plan the wedding. Wait till he confesses his love. At least. I would wait till the proposal, but that's me.

He says he doesn't love you, he's happy and content. That is also exactly how he means it.

If that's not something you can handle, move on. Cuz that is where he is at.

Now the jealous ex wife part of this is

1. I'm glad your over weight,
2. I'm glad you try too hard. I can alway use a good laugh.
3. I think that he will get sick of you because going to the bars 3 nights a week 2 days after you get fired because you said you wanted to punch you boss in the face. Is not the kinda girl.
He wants a responsible, kind, lady. You are non of these. Your crude with a little side of good in bed. Which is why he is still around.
Now all of the last part is rude and probably untrue.
But I'm the ex. I'm allowed.

I am sure I am missing some important lessons. And I am sorry for that.